in fact, it's so excellent, it doesn't matter that it was actually yesterday

TODAY IS AMPERSAND DAY

ampersand day is this holiday i made up six years ago which is celebrated in many ways, the main festivity of the occasion being people reminding me that ampersand day is coming up because i always forget about it

ampersand day is also celebrated by me making the same joke about the mastering the art of making ampersands

to master the art of making ampersands, hold shift and press the 8 key

oh wait, it's the 7 key

sometimes i get confused because in order to draw an ampersand with your hands (for all three people left in the world who still remember how to write with a pencil, i know i forgot how) you make an 8 except make it awesome, because ampersands are awesome and if you don’t think they are awesome then i challenge you to go a single day without saying the word "and", for you see, that is what an ampersand means

if you didn't know this, what the fuck is wrong with you? good work being another failed product of the public education system

if you weren't already aware that ampersands are awesome, i take it you haven't been paying attention to the news much lately. ampersands are so awesome that they are the only thing capable of killing the australian demigod and popular tv icon, steve irwin

to celebrate this year's ampersand day, i present to you a leaked photograph of steve irwin. i assure you it is most certainly not a 10 minute photoshop job it took 5 minutes

any leaked footage you see on the internet of him getting stabbed in the chest by a stingray is most certainly fake. there are only three recorded deaths via stingray in the history of australia, and i can assure you that steve irwin is most certainly not one of them

everyone knows stingrays are gentle, friendly, low polygonal creatures whose primary diet consists of foxes, frogs, rabbits, and arrogant blue falcons

also, they don't live in the ocean, they live in sector z. or maybe it was sector y, or perhaps sector q

while i would find it hilarious that after dealing with every possible animal that would really love to kill you on the planet, the crocodile hunter would get killed by such an utterly harmless sea space creature, so fucking hilarious that i cannot even pretend to have any sympathy for him after spending 15 years in the public spotlight as prime minister for the australian Ministry of Cheating Death, the truth is that the only creature awesome enough to take the invincible bloke out is an ampersand

i suppose it's possible god, or a dragon, or the god of dragons could take him out, but those things don't exist as much everyone who has purchased a dungeons and dragons book/the entire state of alabama wants them to

&&& ampersands, on the other hand, do exist, and can be quite lethal if you accidentally bump into the their razor sharp tails &&&

i mean, seriously, everyone knows in order to defend yourself against a stingray laser you do a barrel roll

if the guy knows how to restrain a crocodile, i'm pretty sure he can figure out how to press z or r twice

i'd go back and delete that atheism joke, it's really quite predictable of me, but i figure there's more wit in metahumor than holding backspace