it's been pretty rad

if you ever have a few thousand bucks lying around and nothing to do, do what i did, quit your job and throw your life away, then go visit people you met on the internet

you will be pleased with the results

my epic internet adventure seems to finally have drawn to a close and once my mind settles from "i am unable to comprehend what the fuck just happened" insane to my regular old "i don't need to eat or sleep, i have a website" insane, i'm going to probably spend about three weeks straight retroactively writing a glorified livejournal consisting of the story of the past month or so of my life

normally it is fucking boring when people do this, but the difference between me and you is that my life is a hilarious drama clusterfuck, and you probably live a well adjusted life

at any rate, before i left on this fantastic expedition, the oracle of delphi bestowed upon me two prophecies

that i was going to miss my flight home on purpose and that i would either get arrested or narrowly avoid it

and both of these things have come true, except for a completely different set of reasons than i anticipated

the other day me and my new roommates got to go get some chinese food only to discover that not only did they completely forgot dan's (the guy who updated "yesterday") order, they burned my noodles, and gave me the wrong kind of fried rice

we called them back to get things straightened out only to have the manager hang up on us, so we went back there in person and instead of give us a refund, they decided to charge us double the menu price for the food we already fucking paid for

at that point i decided to throw my rice at their window, and they called the cops ^_^

the cops would probably have arrested for me if it wasn't for how once we got back to the apartment, we discovered that they spit in the food we picked up, which probably explains why the prices magically became so much higher

guess chinaman saliva costs extra :(?

word of advice, kiddies: cops deal with shady lying assholes all day long and the other thing you should probably know about cops is that they are pretty easy to psych out. if you ever have to deal with the police for anything that isn't bound to send you to jail, just tell the fucking truth.

if you just go off and tell them "oh yeah i did that lol" then it usually confuses the hell out of them and they'll either give you a ticket for that which should have landed you the night in jail, or invent a way to let you off the hook entirely

this does not apply if you killed someone or you're carrying drugs on you. how these two things manage to fall into the same category, i will never understand, but either way, just do yourself a favor and lie through your fucking teeth

i am pretty sure the reason that everything went so horribly wrong is because the person taking the orders and cooking the food was at most 7 years old

before i destroy my ex-girlfriend's life, i need to destroy this chinese food place first

oh, hi sneakyleaf aka jordan sudbeck! i know your ip address and i can see that either you or your retarded roommate has been furiously checking my site wondering what horrible lies i'm going to spread about you two. do continue to do so, that neat google ad banner gives me a fraction of a penny every time someone visits this site and it's probably the easiest thing you can do to pay me back for the 100 bucks or so worth of booze i bought you

don't worry, you know full well that i'm a procrastinating fuckhead, i'll get to it eventually